I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, ‘You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.’
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medic aid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, Canadian dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them ‘come fast as you can.’ (Read the article)
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
4. For best results pass recipe on to friends.
This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be….The CODE
1) Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2) Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3) Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4) When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5) Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).
7) If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9) Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10) No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
Found this post on myspace under Krissys Thoughts. Pretty funny if you ask me.
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that ****. It makes men pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it’s not his fault. (Read the article)
Question about doing laundry - is it a racist event?
Think about it - you seperate the whites from the blacks and the colours.
Sad much of this is so true…
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again…same scenario I departed the store with the $46.64.
…They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Mickey D’s with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re already buy-one- get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free .” She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. **
**They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.**
**One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said, “Where?” **
**They Walk Among Us!**
Continue to read about more people (Read the article)
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